


November Storm

by annannette (fanetjuh)



Series: The Scorpio Races Festival - Tumblr [1]
Category: The Scorpio Races - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Disability, Disabled Character, F/M, Gen, Physical Disability, Sibling Bonding, Wheelchairs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-08-24 01:44:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8351467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanetjuh/pseuds/annannette
Summary: Hannah Miller was born and raised in Thisby. However, because of her disability she doesn’t really feel part of the community. If she however meets a capall uisce just like her, she decides to prove the Island once and for all that she’s more than the girl in the wheelchair.





	1. Capall Uisce

**Author's Note:**

> Written for The Scorpio Races Festival 2016, organized on tumblr

"Hannah?" Charlie's voice filled the salted air and he sighed relieved when he noticed his sister, sitting on one of the rocks on the beach. "Come, I'm getting you home. The first horses have been seen. You don't want to be here when they come out of the water." Charlie held out his hand, but Hannah shook her head. Charlie was wrong.

Hannah wanted to see the horses. Her entire life she had heard people talking about it and she had never ever seen it herself. Her brother had taken her home, her mother had locked her up in her room or they had come up with silly reasons why it was a bad idea to get some fresh air that day. Today she was not going to let herself dragged home.

"Hannah..." Charlie took a deep breath and shook his head. "People will die today." His voice was a soft whisper and he moved his fingers.

Hannah crossed her arms over her chest. She had been living on this Island ever since she was born twenty years ago. All she wanted was seeing the horses come out of the sea, just once.

"Han! Seriously! This is not the time to be stubborn!" Charlie raised his voice. "Do you really think you have better odds of surviving than healthy people?"

Hannah rolled her eyes. No, she didn't believe she had better odds of surviving than the strong young men waiting for their prize winning capall. When something would happen, she wouldn't be able to run away. She just didn't mind.

"Fine, if you want to die today. Have fun." Charlie turned around and he hid his hands in the pockets of his jeans while he walked away. He wouldn't go that far and he would for sure keep an eye on his little sister. At least he had not decided to drag her home, yet.

Slowly however people started to crowd the beach. Most of them were screaming while holding all kinds of weapons. They were keeping their hands above their eyes to stare at the shore of the sea.

Hannah held her breath when the first horses set foot on the warm sand. Even though she had admired the capalls from afar, she had never realized they were this big, this wild, this beautiful.

Hours passed while capalls were caught, people got hurt and friends ended up fighting over money and horses in the most amazing colors. People left the beach happy or sad and eventually things calmed down a little.

Hannah had never seen a more wonderful thing in her life, even though she had attended all the races.

"Are you ready to go now?" Charlie stood next to her again and Hannah nodded. "Mom will be furious if she hears what you've done."

"I'm still alive, am I?" Hannah shrugged her shoulders while she leaned on her brothers arms. She knew her brother hated it when she wanted to go somewhere without her wheelchair, but her wheels would get stuck in the sand and Hannah hated being forced to stick to the few roads in Thisby that were actually paved.

Charlie took a deep breath before he lifted her up. He strengthened the muscles in his upper arms and Hannah wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Wait!" She squeezed her eyes when she noticed a wonderful dark brown horse.

He stood all alone near the shore of the sea, as if he was waiting for someone to come and claim him.

"No, Hannah." Charlie shook his head while he kept on walking, but Hannah kept on looking at the capall.

The capall did a few steps to the left, then to the right and then he started walking forward.

Hannah's eyes widened. "He's hurt..."

Charlie rolled his eyes, but eventually he sighed and turned around. "If this will get both of us killed, my ghost will haunt yours, seriously." He shook his head and when he was only a few inches away from the Capall Uisce he stood still.

"Hey..." Hannah quietly gestured Charlie to put her down and while he kept his hands around her waist, she tried to touch the horse. "Don't be afraid. I don't want to race you. I just want to help you." She spoke softly and when her hands touched the dark brown fur the horse barely reacted. "Let me get you to a vet, okay?"

Of course the horse didn't answer.

"How the hell are you gonna get him to a vet?" Charlie raised his eyebrows, but Hannah placed her hands on the back of the horse.

"I'm gonna ride it."

"No, you're not." Charlie wanted to grab her leg, but realized in the last minute that that would only make the situation more dangerous. "Hannah, come down!"

But Hannah already sat on the back of the Capall. She had no idea where to place her hand or how to tell the horse where he should go, but she simply trusted her instinct and gently she pressed her legs in his sides while she leaned forward to whisper in his ear. "Do you trust me? Because I'm literally trusting you with my life now, Bud..."


	2. The voice of reason

The screams of her brother faded behind her while her capall seemed to follow her whispered directions. Every other step he almost stumbled over his own legs, but he didn’t fall once. He even managed to speed up a little.

Hannah had to admit that it was a better feeling than she had ever imagined. She felt the wind through her hair and the world was passing by faster than ever. Once in awhile she caught some staring glances, but she didn’t mind. She couldn’t remember the last time she had been this close to absolute freedom.

“Hannah!” The vet stood already in front of his door when she arrived. “Charlie called me to tell that you were on your way here with a capall uisce.” His eyes widened when he saw the wonderful dark brown horse with Hannah on his back stopping in front of him without the slightest bit of protest. “Do you need a hand?” He cocked his head slightly and Hannah hesitated for a moment.

She actually wanted to say no, wanted to climb down herself, but she knew that her legs would not be able to carry her if she did. “Yes, if it’s not too much of a bother.” She scratched the back of her neck and carefully she climbed down, barely touching the ground because of the vet’s hands around her waist.

“Have you gone completely insane?” The vet spoke softly, as if he was all too aware of the horse still being dangerous, even though it stood perfectly still. “You’ve never even sat on a horse and now you think you can ride a waterhorse?” He shook his head in disbelief, but Hannah stared at the horse and shrugged her shoulders.

“He has a problem with his left hind. I only wanted to help him, nothing more.” She pouted a little and the vet took a deep breath.

“Fine, but only because it’s you asking me.” He waited until Hannah sat down on the floor before he carefully walked towards the dark brown capall. Reluctantly he placed a hand on his back. “Please, for the sake of Hannah Miller, don’t kill me…” The vet whispered and he kneeled down next to the left hind. For at least ten minutes he didn’t say anything, but then he pushed himself up again and turned his face to the inpatient girl.

“And?” Hannah crossed her fingers that there was something the vet could do for him.

“It's a born defect. He’s not in pain. He just has some sort of hop when he walks.” The vet crossed his arms over his chest. “I will call Sean Kendrick to bring the capall uisce back to the sea, where it belongs.”

“No!” Hannah raised her voice and if she had been able to stand up, she would have done so. “I mean, you don’t have to. I have brought him here, I can bring him back too.”

“Hannah…” The vet stared at her as if he couldn’t believe she was actually even thinking about it. “You've taken a great risk to bring him here, I can’t allow you to take that risk again.”

“Seriously, Hannah…” Charlie was out of breath when he eventually reached the vet too. He had clearly run all the way there and his shirt was glued to his body, his skin covered in sweat. “Mom will kill both of us if she hears about this.”

Even though Hannah knew that she was supposed to feel guilty, she actually didn’t. Deciding to ride that capall uisce was the best thing that had happened to her ever since…She shook her head. She didn’t want to think about it anymore.

“Let Sean get that horse back to the sea, while I carry you home.” Charlie kneeled down in front of his sister, but Hannah crossed her arms over her chest instead of wrapping them around his neck like she usually did.

“I want to ride it back to the sea.” She whispered and she looked up with her big blue eyes. Her blonde hair covered a part of her face and she saw her brother thinking whether or not arguing would get him somewhere.

“Hannah…” He kneeled down in front of her. “I know how hard it is to be you.” He clearly didn’t, because she already knew that the next word of his sentence was going to be but. “But your body can’t do this.”

Even though she had heard that sentence before, she felt a new kind of anger spreading through her veins. She tensed all her muscles and she breathed heavily. “That's what you and mom are saying for over fourteen years already.” She spoke softly, taking a break between every word. “For fourteen years you’ve only told me what I can’t do. Everyone has only ever told me what I can’t do. I’m sick of it. I’m done with it. I want to decide myself what I can and can’t do. I can’t walk anyway. What’s the worst that can happen? That I die?” Hannah raised her eyebrows and she stared straight into the eyes of her brother. “I’d rather die than live the rest of my life in a glass coffin like some stupid plant.”

Charlie opened his mouth to say something, but he closed it again when he saw his sister’s heated face.

“You know what?” Hannah hissed between her teeth now. “Maybe Bud and I will participate in the race.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Just because we can.”

Charlie placed a hand on her knee. His hand was trembling a little and he swallowed a few times. “Hannah, I didn’t mean to hurt you…” He spoke softly. “I just don’t want to lose you. Everything mom and I say, everything we do, it’s because we love you.” He paused for a moment, but Hannah didn’t say anything and avoided his glance. “Would you really want to participate in the race, even if that could cost you your life?”

Hannah slowly turned her face towards him and then she nodded. “Yes…” She looked at her brother and felt her eyes filling with tears. “I want to prove the world that I can do it.” She stared at the horse and she smiled when it looked up at her as if it agreed with everything she said. “I want to prove the world that they were idiots to ignore him at the beach simply because of his left hind.”

“Fine. We'll sign you up tonight.” Charlie lifted his sister up and he carried her towards the waiting capall uisce. “But please, let me at least help you, okay? You’re not gonna do this on your own.”

“Okay.”


	3. The beach

Hannah took a deep breath when Charlie put her down on her feet in the sand. She had her fingers curled around the rope that had to prevent her capall from running away from her. This morning she had almost forgotten that she was not allowed to ride her horse outside the beach if she didn’t want to be disqualified from the race.

“Are you nervous?” Charlie rubbed her back and Hannah nodded. “I'll stay close and if anything happens I’ll be right there to help you, okay?” Charlie waited until she had nodded again. “Don't ride too close to the sea today and stay away from the others as much as you can.”

Once again Hannah nodded while she placed her hands on the back of her horse and pushed herself up. She had never sat in a saddle before, but Charlie had visited Sean Kendrick last night to see if he had something she could use. For a short moment she just sat there, getting used to the saddle and staring at all the other horses that were already running through the sand.

“Are you ready?” Charlie looked up at his younger sister and Hannah swallowed, not sure if that counted as an answer.

“I'll have to be. I said I was going to race, so I’m going to race. No matter what.” She straightened her back before she leaned towards the sensitive ears of her horse. “Go…” She whispered and she gently pressed her feet in Bud’s sides.

Almost immediately the horse started walking, faster and faster, until he was galloping. He was not following a straight line and Hannah had to keep on whispering in his ear.

“A little bit to the left.” She felt her heart racing in her chest. “A little bit to the right.” The adrenalin was running through her veins. She had no idea if Charlie managed to keep up with her, since she had to focus on Bud and all the dangers around her. “Not this close to the water…” She whispered again, but the horse didn’t listen.

He ignored all the other horses in his way, he ignored Hannah’s whispers in his ear, he ignored the widening eyes of everyone who noticed the little hick up in his left hind and the rider on his back. He kept on galloping until his feet were surrounded by the salted sea.

“If he’s going in there, you let go!” Charlie’s scream echoed over the entire beach, but Hannah stuck her tongue between her lips.

If he was going in there she would find a way to lead him back to the land, back to the Isle. She had not been through all the trouble of signing up in an overcrowded café with barely room for a wheelchair to give up on the very first day of beach training.

Bud however kept on walking and walking. The cold water first reached his chest, then Hannah’s feet, then her knees, than her hips.

“Let go!” Charlie yelled louder this time, but Hannah curled her fingers tighter around the rope.

“Come on, Bud!” Hannah pressed her stomach to his back, even though that meant laying into the water. “Don't let me down, please?” She almost begged the water horse. “I want to prove that we can do this. You and I. We can participate in the race and we will reach the finish line. You with your left hind, me in my wheelchair, we will prove the world that we’re not worthless. That we’re far from worthless.”

The horse stood still and for a moment he looked up as if he was really listening to every word Hannah was saying.

“Could you turn around and go back to the beach, please?” She had no idea what else to do or to see. She had never sat on a horse, she had never ridden before, she was simply trusting her instincts and hoping for the very best.

A relieved sigh escaped her lips when the horse turned around and started walking again.

Hannah was soaked from chest to toe, but as soon as her horse reached the safe beach again a bright smile spread across her face. Maybe she had not managed to keep the horse away from the water it was longing for, she had managed to lead him back to the land where she would be with him.

“Were you planning on drowning yourself or what?” Charlie was out of breath when he finally reached his sister on her high horse.

Bud was clearly not amused with his comment and he opened his mouth to show his sharp teeth.

“Easy, Bud, easy. I’m just worried about my little sister, okay?” Charlie lifted his hands up and he softened his voice a little. “Why didn’t you let go?”

“I didn’t want to give up hope.” Hannah shook her head and she gently touched the dark brown fur of her own capall uisce. “And I was right. He walked back to the Island. He wants to race as badly as I want to.”

Charlie rolled with his eyes and he stared at his younger sister and the horse she was riding before he took another deep breath. “I'm not sure who has the higher risk of dying here. You because you believe you can actually participate in this race or me because I will get a heart attack somewhere during the upcoming few weeks.”

“If you have a little more faith in me, we might make it out of this adventure alive. All three of us.” She flattened herself on her horse’s back. “See, he doesn’t hurt me?”

“Yet…” Charlie hissed between his teeth. “He doesn’t hurt you yet.”


	4. A friend in me

“Well, well, look who we have here.” Nate crossed his arms over his chest and he placed himself not so carefully in front of Hannah and her capall. “I actually thought the name on the chalkboard had been a joke, but it seems it’s true. The town’s cripple is gonna participate in the biggest and most dangerous event of the year.” He shook his head and he bent down a little to check out the horse Hannah was sitting on.

Hannah sat up and straightened her back while she lifted her chin. Even though she had heard the word cripple a thousand times, if not more, before it still hurt. Not that she was planning on showing Nate that. She didn’t want to give him the pleasure.

“You can’t even walk properly, how are you going to control a water horse like this?” Nate lifted his eyebrows and he shook his head. “Porcelain dolls shouldn’t be playing with sharks.” He whispered softly and he stretched out his hand to place it on Bud’s nose.

“Don't let him touch you, Bud…” Hannah whispered, hoping that Nate wouldn’t hear her and she couldn’t help grinning when her horse once again opened his mouth to show his teeth.

“Look, how cute, the monster is defending the child.”

“Nate, can you stop talking like that about my little sister?” Charlie rolled his eyes and he placed a hand on Nate’s shoulder. “She wants to do this, she found a horse no-one else wanted to have and she’s following all the rules.”

“Charlie, you don’t need to fight my battles. I maybe can’t walk, but my brain and mouth are functioning just fine.” Hannah took a deep breath and she stared straight into Nate’s eyes. She didn’t understand what people saw in him.

Yes, Nate was a handsome guy and he had a nice smile, but he also had a horrible heart filled with arrogance and hatred.

“If you have anything else to say before I continue my training, I’d suggest saying it now so we can get it over with.” Hannah cocked her head slightly and Nate grinned.

“I’m not speaking for myself here, honey.” He articulated the last word as if his usual level of sarcasm was not enough for this one. “I'm speaking for each and every one here on the beach. We don’t want you here, we don’t need you here and we certainly don’t want you in the race.” He didn’t give Hannah the chance to say something. “It’s already hard and dangerous enough with people who can actually try to control those water horse. A cripple like you who has no idea what she’s doing would only make it worse. So, for the sake of all of us get of that horse, let it go and go back to your usual habit of staying away from all of this.”

Hannah was breathing in and out. Literally every muscle in her body tensed and she couldn’t help pulling the ropes a little bit. She wanted to open her mouth to say something, she wanted to defend herself, she wanted to defend her horse. But she couldn’t deny that she was a liability. She had always watched the race from afar, she had no idea what was exactly happening on the beach and she had no idea how to control the horse she was sitting on.

“If Hannah wants to ride, she can ride. Just like everyone else on this Island.” Charlie interrupted Hannah’s thoughts and the raise of his voice caught the attention of the capall who had been standing perfectly still ever since it had made it safely out of the water.

“Hannah is not like everyone else on the Island. Aren’t you afraid your sister will die a horrible dead, trampled under the feet of countless horses or with body parts detached from her body because some horse mistakes her for food?” Nate was still grinning, clearly not in the slightest bit horrified by the image he was creating.

“What do you think is worse, Nate?” Hannah raised her eyebrows and she cocked her head. “Being dead or being looked down upon by literally everyone on this god damn Island?” She forgot that she was sitting on a dangerous capall uisce and her voice was now yelling.

Bud pranced and Hannah screamed while she held on as tight as possible to the ropes.

She couldn’t hold on tight enough and she fell down in the hot sand, next to the trampling feet of her so called friend.

“See! That’s what I’m talking about. You have no idea what you’re doing.” Nate shook his head and he wanted to turn around, not even doubting that Hannah would for sure give up now her horse had thrown her of it’s back. He was wrong. He was wronger than wrong. Maybe people like him gave up when things got a little harder than planned, but Hannah didn’t.

If Hannah had given up every time things had gotten a little harder than planned, she would have died countless years ago, when…

“No! Stop!” Nate’s loud scream interrupted her thoughts and Hannah shook her head while she pushed herself up a little.

Bud’s sharp teeth pierced the naked skin of Nate’s shoulder. He didn’t seem to mind the bone, he didn’t seem to notice the boy’s screams, he kept on biting and biting until Nate’s shoulder was nothing but a mess of flesh, nerve and shatters of bone.

“Come, let’s get out of here…” Charlie rushed towards his little sister and while keeping his eye on the aggressive horse with his blooded face he helped Hannah back to her feet. “I think this morning has been enervating enough. We’ll come back tomorrow, okay?”

Hannah nodded and she exchanged a short glance with the water horse. Even though Bud had thrown her of his back, she couldn’t help feeling like he had been trying to defend her, even though it was almost impossible he had understood any of the harsh and mean words Nate had said. “Don’t tell mom about what happened, please?” Hannah pouted and Charlie shook his head.

“Of course not.” He lifted Hannah up and Hannah curled her fingers around the rope connected to Bud.

“We’re going home, Bud.” She spoke softly and it seemed as if the horse was nodding while it followed Charlie and Hannah as if he had not just almost eaten a human boy.

"Do you need a hand?" A handsome young man with his hands in the pockets of his jeans carefully stepped closer. "I have no clue what the freaking hell he was talking about, but I think you're fucking brave and deserve some credit." The stranger nodded his hand. "I'm Daniel, by the way. I came from the mainland to witness the whole spectacle. I wouldn't mind making myself useful to anyone." He shrugged his shoulders and Hannah and Charlie exchanged a glance.

"I could use some help buying and carrying the food for this horse here." Charlie nodded towards the water horse that was barely a shadow of his former monster form.

"You've gotten yourself the help."


	5. Riders Parade

The streets were filled with people and the air was filled with the smell of honey from all the november cakes.

Even though Hannah enjoyed each and every second of the festival, she did realize why Charlie and her mother had never taken her here. There was barely room for people to walk, let alone for a girl in a wheelchair.

No one seemed to notice her and only the tourists mumbled something that sounded like an apology when they almost stumbled over her legs.

“It's not much fun, is it?” Charlie leaned forward, but Hannah couldn’t give him the answer he wanted to hear.

She was still having a lot more fun than she would have had if she had stayed at home, like every other year.

“I'll get you something to eat, wait here, okay?” Charlie didn’t wait for her to nod and disappeared into the crowd while Hannah took the time to look around. 

The sound of the drums was filling her ears and she twirled her wheels to park herself against the wall of one of the houses. Even though she couldn’t see what was going on, she could feel the suspense and the excitement. She could hear people yelling and screaming, she could feel the stamping on the ground, she felt the warmth of their sweating bodies.

“Sorry, the line was a little long.” Charlie rushed back to her side empty handed and he shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t want to leave you here all on your own for too long.” He couldn’t hide his worry, but for the first time in her entire life it didn’t make Hannah angry. Charlie had been more supportive than she had thought he would be.

She understood that even his trust had it’s limits. “It’s fine. Maybe the lines are shorter when it’s time to go home again.” Hannah doubted it, but a girl could dream.

“Yes, maybe.” Charlie leaned on one of the handlebars and his eyes seemed to scan the crowd as if he was expecting someone to not so accidentally hurt his sister.

“Finally!” Daniel all of a sudden stood next to Charlie and Hannah and he pressed something over sugared into Hannah’s hands. “I've been looking for you guys everywhere! I’ve been standing in the freaking line for hours, but I can promise it’s totally worth it.” He smiled and Hannah stared at the november cake she was holding.

Even though she knew the smell, she had never tasted a november cake herself and she was slightly afraid to take a bite. What if she wouldn’t like the cake as much as she thought? What if she would ruin the illusion that this november cake was the best thing in the entire world?

“Come on! Don’t leave me hanging!” Daniel cocked his head, his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “It won’t get any more delicious by staring at it!” He smiled and Hannah smiled back at him while she carefully placed the cake between her teeth.

A moan escaped her lips when the smell and the taste combined their powers and she closed her eyes while she took bite after bite until the only thing left to do was licking the sugar and honey from her fingers.

“And, was it good or was it good? I’ve never tasted a thing like that in my life and that means something, because we’ve got quite a few tasty treats on the mainland.” Daniel exchanged a glance with Charlie, who carefully shook his head.

“I would have liked one too…” Charlie crossed his arms over his chest and Daniel widened his eyes.

“Yeah, sure. I can go get you one, no problem.” He started to walk away when Charlie grabbed his wrist.

“No, you can’t leave now. That line will take you hours and I need help getting her to the rider’s parade.” Charlie sighed as if he wished there had been another option. “Someone has to watch the wheelchair while I carry her.”

“I can take the wheelchair with me while I get that cake for you?” Daniel attempted again, but Charlie only rolled his eyes while he shook his head.

“No, I’ll get one myself later tonight when she’s home safely.”

Hannah wanted to say that she was still sitting here and that there was no need to bring her home early, but she could feel her legs protesting already and she tensed all the muscles in her body.

“Riders?” A clear voice screamed to get over the sound of the crowd. “Riders, make your way to the rock!”

Hannah looked up at her brother and she wrapped her arms around his neck while he lifted her up carefully.

While Daniel placed a hand on the handlebar of her wheelchair, Charlie followed the small group of riders that started the climb to the top of the cliff.

The closer they got to the fire, the more nervous Hannah started to feel.

Everyone was staring at her, at the girl in the arms of her brother, at the girl who was planning on riding one of the most aggressive horses in the world. But no one said anything. No one tried to stop her. No one tried to argue with her. It seemed that what had happened to Nate had started to spread and now everyone was afraid of Bud, the waterhorse with the hurt left hind.

Hannah couldn’t feel sad about it, even though she had to admit that she was a little afraid of what Bud could do her.

“Your turn, Hannah.” Peg Gratton nodded at the girl in her brother's arms and carefully Charlie carried her to the rock covered in drops of blood.

Hannah felt a little sick, but she wordlessly asked Charlie if he could put her down. She wanted to do this standing. Not while being in her brother’s arms. “I will ride.” Her voice was trembling a little now she was making the silly thought in the back of her mind real.

Peg cut Hannah’s finger and a few drops of blood mingled with the rest.

It didn’t hurt as much as Hannah had expected and she took a deep breath. “Hannah Miller. Bud. By my blood.” She tried to sound more secure than she felt but her lips curled up into a smile when she realized she had done everything right. She was going to ride. She was going to participate in the race. She was really going to do it.


	6. Sea Wishes

Charlie had kept his hands around her middle the entire time, but the joy was visible in his eyes when he lifted his sister up again. “Even if everything goes wrong, even if something horrible happens during the race, know that I’m proud of you.”

Hannah smiled and she let her head rest against his chest. She was not going to say it out loud, but she was proud of her too. Even though she had decided to race weeks ago, her decision started to feel different now it was final. She was going to race. She was really going to race.

“Shall I bring you home now?” Charlie wasn’t actually asking her, but Hannah shook her head.

She wasn’t ready to go home yet. Going home meant that this would all be over, that this day would be over, that this feeling would be over. She wanted to enjoy it for as long as possible. “I want to feel the warmth of the fire, please?” She nodded at the bonfires at the edge of the cliff and with a sigh Charlie walked towards one of them.

“I hope that monster of yours is going to kill you.”

Hannah took a deep breath before she rolled her eyes. Of course she had known that Nate wasn’t dead.

His shoulder was damaged beyond repair, but it seemed that his stupidness was still in tact. Apparently he thought that Bud couldn’t do anything worse than he had already done. Maybe Nate was wrong, maybe he wasn’t.

Even though a part of Hannah wanted to find out, she was also afraid she wouldn’t dare to ride Bud at all anymore. Just like she didn’t dare to travel by car anymore, no matter how much more relaxing that would be for her brother.

“I've just written your name down. You're exactly in time to enjoy the show.” Nate lifted his chin and he showed her a tiny piece of paper. His handwriting was horrible, but he had clearly written her name down backwards. With a sarcastic and mocking smile playing around his lips he threw the piece of paper into the ocean and to make sure Hannah had gotten his point he spitted on the floor in front of Charlie’s feet while walking passed them.

“Would you want to write down his name too?” Charlie narrowed his eyes while he followed the disappearing silhouette. He had for sure spoken loud enough for Nate to hear it, but Nate didn’t turn around.

“No, I don’t…” Hannah shook her head, afraid of her own thoughts. Secretly she wished that he could feel what she was feeling day in day out. Secretly she hoped that his shoulder would never heal again, that he would never be able to write with his good hand again, that he would always need help when he needed something or wanted something. She had once thought she wouldn’t wish what she was dealing with to her worst enemy, but it seemed she had been wrong. She wished it on him.

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t blame you.” Charlie shrugged his shoulders and a little smile spread across his face. “If you don’t do it, would you mind me doing it?” He cocked his head a little and when Hannah shook her head he put her down on one of the rocks.

Hannah watched how he find a piece of paper and some black cole to write with. She saw how he wrote the letters that big that even the man on the moon would be able to read them. Her heart was beating in her chest when he stood up and threw the paper into the endless darkness beneath his feet.

“I hope my sea wish will be stronger than his.” Charlie walked back to her and for a short moment he sat down too.

“Maybe both of them come true.” Hannah added. Even though Bud had made her feel more alive than she had felt in years, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to live the rest of her life locked up between the four walls of her home here in Thisby. If she would survive the race, there was no way her mother and Charlie would allow her to race again next year.

Hannah’s life was nothing but a collection of once in a lifetime experiences.

Every time she discovered something she enjoyed it was too dangerous, it would hurt her too much or it would make her health problems even worse. Hannah had stopped caring about it. She didn’t mind having to stay in bed for days after she had done something that brought her joy. She didn’t mind needing to visit the doctor again when something she had wanted to do had caused new trouble.

The experience of freedom, of laughter, of happiness was worth the price she was paying for it.

“Are you ready to go home yet?” Charlie turned his face towards his sister and Hannah nodded, even though she actually wanted to shake her head again. “Good.” Charlie lifted her up again and one step at a time he walked down the cliff until he had reached Daniel and the wheelchair again. “Thanks for keeping an eye on it.” He carefully put Hannah down and Daniel shrugged his shoulders. 

“Nah, it’s nothing. I had a good view. You looked amazing up there.” Daniel smiled at Hannah and Hannah smiled back at him. “I didn’t really know this many riders would be racing though.” He frowned his eyebrows a little and Hannah and Charlie exchanged a short glance.

“Not everyone will compete in the race.” Hannah cocked her head and she bit her lip, knowing that maybe she was talking about herself and not about the others. “The race is only in two weeks and a lot can happen until then.”

“Right, I get it.” Daniel grinned. “Some more people might offend you and might lose a limb or two.”

Hannah couldn’t help grinning along, while Charlie rolled his eyes and grabbed the handlebars of the wheelchair.

“We're going home, Hannah. You’ve been out here long enough.”

“Yeah, sure, see you guys at the beach tomorrow?” Daniel’s eyes were staring straight into Hannah’s and she nodded.

“He's a little clingy, don’t you think?” Charlie whispered when they were out of sight so he knew for sure Daniel wouldn’t hear him anymore.

“I like him.” Hannah leaned back in her chair and took a deep breath. “I feel like he’s the only person actually talking to me sometimes and not only to you.” She paused for a moment. “Apart from Nate, but Nate doesn’t count.”


	7. Home & Family

The smile Hannah had been wearing ever since the night before disappeared quickly in the early morning of the next day. While she was eating her breakfast, her mother didn't say a word.

Her mother had not said anything when Hannah had woken up. Her mother had not said anything while she had been cutting the fresh baked bread. Her mother had not asked how her evening had been, if she had had fun.

"Mom?" Hannah swallowed and she turned her face to the woman sitting next to her. "Is everything okay?" She put her sandwich down and placed her hand on her mother's arm, but her mother pulled her arm away as quickly as she could.

"You didn't change your mind about racing Bud, did you?" Miss Miller's voice trembled a little, just like her hands.

"No, but..." Hannah frowned her eyebrows and she shook her head. "I thought you and Charlie were okay with me racing? I know it's dangerous and I know that every year people die, but it does mean a lot to me."

For a moment there was nothing but silence.

Charlie walked down the stairs on the tips of his toes and without a word, as if he could feel the tension in the air, he sat down in the empty chair.

"I know it means a lot to you." Hannah's mother sighed. "I also know that Charlie is helping you and seems to be okay with all of this." She stared at her son as if she was hoping he would protest. "But have you thought about what it means to us?"

Hannah frowned her eyebrows and shook her head. "I...I don't think so..." Hannah stuttered and she saw the tears in her mother's eyes.

"We can't lose you too, Hannah." The salted drops rolled down her cheeks, but Hannah's mother didn't even attempt to wipe them away. "It's too soon to say good-bye to you."

"I wasn't planning on dying..." Hannah spoke softly and she bent her head to stare at her plate. "I just wouldn't call being locked up in my wheelchair living." She took a deep breath. She knew that she was hurting her mother with every word. She knew that she was hurting her brother with every word.

Charlie and her mother had done everything they could to make her happy. They had worked extra hours to pay for her wheelchair. They had collected money to rebuild the house so Hannah didn't need to climb stairs anymore. Not once had they refused to carry Hannah somewhere, even when they were tired or sick.

"I know that you did everything you could for me, but..." Hannah couldn't finish her sentence.

"It wasn't enough." Charlie's voice was almost breaking and Hannah nodded. The older he got, the more he started to look like his father. He had the same eyes and he started to develop the same constant frown on his forehead.

Hannah had been young when her father died, very young and sometimes she wondered if it was her fault the car her father had been driving had crashed. She didn't remember much of what had happened and sometimes she wondered if the other memories were real. She had heard the story of the car accident that often and she had probably told it even more often. Maybe she had simply started to believe her own words even though it was far from sure if they were true.

"Why the race?" Her mother's eyes were now red and swollen from crying and her fingers curled around Hannah's wrist. "Why do you want to sit on a murderous dangerous horse? Why a risk like that?" She paused for a short moment and her hand grabbed Hannah's chin to force Hannah to look at her. "Are you suicidal?"

Hannah quickly shook her head. "Mom!" She raised her voice and she grabbed both her mother's hands. "I am not racing because I want to die. I don't want to die, I promise..." She hesitated for a moment. "I want to make it to the finish line. I wouldn't prove the Island and everyone living here that Bud and I are not worthless if we wouldn't manage to finish, right?"

"You've never been worthless to me, Hannah." Her mother stared straight into Hannah's eyes and Charlie cleared his throat.

"I know you don't see me like that. I know that Charlie doesn't see me like that, but everyone else on the Island does." Hannah bent her head and felt the tears rolling down her own cheeks now. "When I saw Bud on the beach I saw myself." She looked up at her mother again, even though her vision was blurry. "He had a problem with his left hind and no one cared about him anymore. No one wanted to know how fast he was. No one wanted to know how strong he was. No one wanted to know how aggressive he was." Hannah sniffed a few times and she accepted the hand kerchief her brother was giving her. "One little thing was wrong with him and all of a sudden everything was wrong with him. He wasn't good enough because he was limping." Hannah felt her chest moving up and down and she felt the hand of her brother rubbing her back. "That's how the world sees me, mom. That's how Thisby sees me. I'm not good enough because I can barely walk." Hannah straightened her back and lifted her chin. "I want to prove them wrong. I have to prove them wrong."

"Honey, you can't change the entire mindset of people by participating in the most dangerous event I have ever heard of." Her mother pressed the palm of her hand to Hannah's cheek.

"I can, mom." Hannah curled her fingers around her mother's wrist. "I only have to make it to the finish line. I only have to make sure that I won't end last. I don't need to win. I don't need to earn any money. I just have to finish and I just have to make sure someone else finishes behind me."

"Your father would have been proud of you." Her mother pressed a soft kiss on her daughter's forehead. "Charlie might look like him, but you have inherited his character."

Hannah smiled through her tears and for a small moment she saw her father looking over his shoulder with a smile on his face.

"I'm proud of you, Han..." He couldn't finish his sentence. Maybe the last word he had ever said was half of Hannah's name.


	8. The Mainland

"Where's Charlie?" Daniel had his hands in the pockets of his jeans and he was clearly not used to the sharp and cold november wind. "I always thought he never left your side." His lips curled up into a small smile while he sat down in the sand next to Hannah.

"He's a little less protective when there are no murderous horses around." Hannah smiled back at the boy from the mainland and she stared at Bud, who was enjoying the space around him now everyone was too afraid of his sharp teeth.

"So, I guess that means he's trusting Bud now?" Daniel nodded at the horse and Hannah shrugged her shoulders.

"He seems to think that if I will get killed during the race, Bud won't be the one doing it." Actually she wasn't worried about Bud either. She was more worried about the horses she didn't know. The last couple of days she had spent hours on the beach watching the others.

It wasn't much of a surprise that especially Nate's horse seemed a little more aggressive than the average capall.

"And what do you guys do the rest of the year?" Daniel turned his face towards the girl next to him and he squeezed his eyes a little.

Hannah wished she could simply ask him what he was seeing when he was looking at her. She was however not sure if she wanted to hear the answer.

"I like reading and baking." Hannah took a deep breath. "And the beach is also pretty during the other months of the year."

"I don't wanna be rude or so, but isn't that freaking boring?" Daniel licked his lips. He pressed his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs.

"I'm not really sure what else to do, actually." Hannah took a deep breath. "I have tried painting for a while, but I kept on ruining canvasses without knowing what I was doing, so I've decided not to waste any more money." She had also tried writing, but she had discovered that she wasn't that good with words, at least not when she had to use them to tell a story.

"Yeah, but there are a lot more things to do than that, right?" Daniel narrowed his eyes a little. "I mean, you're riding a fucking horse now! There are countless things like that!"

"Not on this Island..." Hannah swallowed. Although she loved the Island more than she could ever say, she knew that it was partly because of the Island that she felt so powerless, so useless, so locked up. She couldn't go anywhere on her own and nothing here was even the slightest bit accessible.

No one really tried to make it accessible either.

Hannah was the only one in a wheelchair and it would be a little too expensive to renovate this entire Island for her benefit only. She understood it, she really did, but it was partly why she had never really felt part of the community.

No one wanted her to be part of the community.

"Look, I know that we barely know each other and I know that this might be a little weird and such, but if you want I can take you with me to the mainland. After the race of course." Daniel's gaze met Hannah's for a brief second. He meant it. "Look, it's far from perfect over there. I'm sure there will still be a lot of things you can't do, but there will also be a lot of things you can do." His lips curled up a little into a smile. "And I wouldn't mind carrying you when I have to."

Hannah felt her heart skipping a beat in her chest and for a moment she thought about his offer. She had never really thought about leaving Thisby to go the mainland. She knew that her mother was never going to come with her.

Thisby had been her father's home. Her father was born here and her father had died here.

Her mother had always said that leaving Thisby would mean leaving him behind.

Maybe that was why Hannah had never even dared to think about the possibility. Maybe that was why she had never realized how many chances and opportunities could be waiting for her.

"You don't need to give me an answer right now, okay?" Daniel raised his eyebrows a little. "I mean, I don't know if I'd be able to leave this Island if I had lived here my entire life."

Hannah took a deep breath. "I actually think we're not staying for the Island." She felt a shiver rolling down her spine and she stared at the sea. The waves were calming her mind a little and she breathed in and out.

"Do you wanna talk about why you're in a wheelchair?" Daniel cocked his head a little and he placed a hand on Hannah's back.

"I got in a car accident." She said the word emotionless, knowing that if she would allow herself to really talk about it, she would end up crying. "But I'm actually somehow glad that I ended up in a wheelchair, because it could have been much worse."

"O, I think I get it..." Daniel's lips were forming a straight line and he nodded. He wrapped his arm around Hannah's shoulders and pressed her to his chest. "I know the words don't help a bit, but I'm sorry, okay?"

Hannah nodded and she closed her eyes.

"Sorry it took..." Charlie's eyes widened and he closed his mouth as if he had all of a sudden forgotten what he had wanted to say. "Do I disturb something?" He crossed his arms over his chest and took a deep breath.

"I just asked Hannah if she wants to come with me to the mainland." Daniel dropped his arm and Hannah opened her eyes again. "If you wanna come with her, that's fine of course."

Charlie frowned his eyebrows and he exchanged a short glance with his sister. "Are you seriously thinking about leaving Thisby?"

Hannah shrugged her shoulders while she felt her cheeks heating up. "Maybe..."

"But what about dad?" Charlie shook his head and Hannah took a deep breath.

"I'm sure that dad would have wanted me to be happy."

"And do you think the mainland will make you happy?"

"I don't know, but I think that I should maybe give it a try."


	9. Obstacles

“Hannah!” Charlie threw the door of her bedroom open. “Hannah, we have to leave, now!” He raised his voice and he started throwing clothes on her bed while Hannah tried to get her eyes open.

“What's going on?” She pushed herself up and she realized it was still dark outside.

“The wind…” Charlie could barely speak while he helped Hannah to get dressed.

Normally Hannah would yell that she could dress herself, that she wasn’t a baby, but somehow she had the feeling that this was not the right time to do so. 

“The tree next to our house…” He pulled a shirt over her head and then he lifted her up from her bed. “I'm afraid it might come down.” He rushed down the stairs and quickly he grabbed Hannah’s jacket while her mother held the front door open.

“That tree is standing there for over a century! Why would it come down all of a sudden?” Hannah yawned and she filled her cheeks with air. The race was in a couple of days and she needed every little bit of sleep she could get.

“We're not taking the risk, do you hear me?” Charlie hissed between his teeth and he ran towards the small red car that was parked in front of the house.

“Wait…” Hannah was all of a sudden awake and she started to shake her head. Her entire body started trembling and shaking and little pearls of sweat covered her forehead. She had not been in a car since the accident and she was not planning on changing that now. “Where's Bud? We can’t leave Bud here!”

“Hannah! There is no time for this!” Charlie screamed now. “That tree can kill us any second now!”

“You’re not putting me in that car!” Hannah raised her voice too. “Just bring me to Bud and we’ll go there too.”

“You can’t take a capall uisce somewhere else like a pet, Hannah.” Charlie rolled his eyes.

“I'm not leaving him here either!” Hannah knew that she was stubborn, but she wasn’t planning on giving in this time. She had done that way too often already. “And don’t try to force me to do so!”

Charlie took a deep breath and he looked at the tree that was indeed moving dangerously in the wind. “I can’t believe you actually make me risk my life for a stupid water horse.” He exchanged a short glance with their mother and then he ran to the improvised stable.

Bud was clearly far from calm. His screams were deafening and Hannah felt her heart racing in her chest.

With trembling hands Charlie unlocked the wooden door and carefully he put Hannah on her feet. He kept his hands on her waist when she tenderly placed her hands on the horse’s back.

“It's okay, Bud. Everything will be fine. We’re getting out of here.” She whispered and the restless capall calmed down a little. Hannah stared at her older brother. “I need rope and my wheelchair.”

“What are you gonna do?” Charlie shook his head and the panic was clearly visible in his eyes.

“I can’t ride him, that would disqualify me from the race. But the rules don’t say anything about him pulling me…”

Charlie nodded and he quickly grabbed some rope and handed Hannah the wheelchair. “Bind yourself to your wheelchair, else he’ll pull you out.” He gave half of the rope to her and kept the other half himself.

Hannah nodded and while she made sure the rope around her waist was tight enough, she saw how Charlie tied the rope around the restless Capall.

“You're gonna save my sister, do you hear me?” Charlie whispered. “Save my sister and yourself.” He placed a hand on the horse’s back. “Are you ready?” He turned around to his sister and Hannah nodded.

Hannah took the rope Charlie gave her and she felt her heart beating in her chest. “Where do I need to go?”

Charlie bit his lip and then he shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know.”

For the first time Hannah realized that she wasn’t the only one stuck in their home, locked up from the world.

Charlie and her mother were always by her side and had barely taken the time to enjoy their own lives, to live their own lives.

“We go to Daniel. He will help us.” Hannah nodded and she waited until Charlie nodded back. “Go to the car, Charlie, and tell mom how to get there. We’ll see you there.”

Charlie didn’t take the time to answer, but he turned around and started running.

Hannah took a few deep breaths before she cleared her throat her fingers tightly curled around the rope attached to Bud. “Just start walking and listen to my voice, okay?” Even though Bud didn’t answer, he started running with Hannah in her wheelchair behind him. Now Charlie was gone, Hannah realized that she had been more afraid than she had thought she was. Fear was running through her veins and her chest was heavily moving up and down.

Bud however calmed down the further they got away from the house. He didn’t seem to mind the howling wind. He didn’t seem to mind the pouring rain. He only seemed to care about getting the girl he was pulling along to safety.

“To the left, Bud…” Hannah kept on whispering directions. She didn’t take the time to enjoy the sunrise. She even forgot to enjoy the feeling of freedom, now the wind was blowing her hair and the feet of her horse were running faster than ever. “To the right.” She hoped that Daniel wouldn’t mind them showing up in the early morning. When she had given his name to Charlie she had been certain he wouldn’t mind them seeking shelter with him, but now she started to doubt it.

Daniel had been nice, yes. He had even invited them to come to the mainland with him, but that didn’t mean he would be okay with them waking him up in the early morning because a tree was about to fall on their house.

She didn’t have much of a choice though and eventually she stood still in front of a small tavern.

Light was burning in the kitchen and behind the curtains someone was walking back and forth through the living room.

Maybe Charlie and her mother had already arrived before her.

She didn’t however see their car somewhere. “Could you make some sound, Bud?” Hannah raised her voice a little, even though she didn't have to. “I need some help, I think…”

Bud whinnied, even though it sounded more like howling, and Hannah sighed relieved when the door opened and Daniel rushed outside.

“Hannah! Bud! What are you doing here?” He was wearing a white shirt and shorts, clearly too cold to come outside.

“It's a long story. Are Charlie and my mom here already?” Hannah looked over her shoulders and she wished she knew how much time had passed since Charlie had woken her up.

“No, no they’re not. What’s wrong?” Daniel cocked his head and he walked towards the girl and her horse. Hannah untied the rope around her waist and then she wrapped her arms around Daniel's neck and carefully he helped her out of her wheelchair.

“I think by now the tree next to our home has fallen on our house…” She took a deep breath and she felt restless now the car was still nowhere to be seen.

Bud was fast, but he wasn’t that fast, was he?

“I’m sure everything is fine, okay? I’ll get you inside. You’re freezing!” Daniel started walking with the girl in his arms, but Hannah kept on looking over her shoulder.

What if they weren’t fine? What if Charlie had not made it to the car? What if the tree had fallen on their car before they could drive away? What if something had happened to them?

“Hannah…” Daniel put her down in a comfortable seat next to the window. “Bud is a horse made for running. They’ll be here any second, really.” He kneeled down in front of her and he placed a hand on her knee.

Hannah nodded absentmindedly while she focussed on the empty street. A relieved sigh escaped when she saw two small lights in the distance and hope flickered in her chest. A smile spread across her face when she recognized the bright color and the two people behind the front window.

Charlie and her mom were safe.

She had not killed them too.


	10. Weaknesses

Hannah turned from one side to the other. Even though she had drank at least three huge mugs of hot milk, she couldn’t fall asleep. All she could think of was the race tomorrow and once in awhile she had to look out of the window to check if her water horse was still there. She wished more than ever that she could simply stand up and go to his improvised stable.

“Hannah?” Charlie opened the door of her room carefully and a smile spread across his face when he noticed that her eyes were still wide open. “I already thought you wouldn’t be able to sleep either.” He sat down on the edge of Hannah’s bed and he took a deep breath while he stared at the empty spot in the garden where the tree used to be.

Now there was nothing but a chopped stump.

“Are you nervous?” He spoke softly and the tremble in his voice gave away that if she would return the question he would have to answer yes.

“I'm terrified…” Hannah sat up and she leaned against the cold wall behind her bed. “I'm terrified of making a fool of myself. I’m terrified of ending last. I’m terrified of getting hurt. I’m terrified of dying.” She licked her lips and she swallowed. “And I’m terrified that maybe because of me someone else might get hurt or worse.” Actually she was mostly terrified about the latter. She didn’t want to be the cause of people ending up in wheelchairs, just like her.

“I'm glad I’m not the only one.” Charlie’s lips curled up into a smile and he stared at his sister for a moment.

“I promise that I’ll be as careful as possible, okay? I won’t block anyone. I won’t defend my position if it gets dangerous and I will stay away from crowded fights.”

“Even if that would mean you would end last?” Charlie cocked his head, but his shoulders relaxed a little.

“Even if that would mean I would end last.” Hannah nodded. “I don’t race to win. I race to finish and it would be great if I wouldn’t end up last, but it would be ever greater if I and as many people as possible would make it over the finish line in once piece.” She paused for a short moment and then she bent her head. “And I want to be able to go to the mainland with Daniel.”

For a moment Charlie didn’t say anything. Then his hand grabbed Hannah’s chin and he forced her to look up. “You're not doing this because you’re in love with him, do you?” He stared straight into Hannah’s eyes. “I know that he’s charming and nice and kind to you, but if you go to the mainland, you’ll have to be able to live without him too.”

Hannah bit her lip. “Does this mean you’re not gonna accept his offer?”

“You know that mom won’t come with us and I don’t want her to be alone. But if everything goes wrong and you want to come back, I’ll come and get you as soon as I can.” Charlie tucked a strand of hair behind Hannah’s ear. “You don’t need me to carry you around. You don’t need anyone. If this whole adventure with Bud has proven one thing, it’s that you will find a way if you have to. In a wheelchair, on crutches, in the arms of a blond haired gentleman with a charming smile.” Charlie winked and Hannah laughed.

“I hope it will be with him, but I wouldn’t have left if it had been just him.” She felt the palms of her hands sweating. “I want to know what my chances are on the mainland. I want to give it a shot. I want to see if maybe there I can find something to satisfy my need for adventure and freedom.”

“You'll find it, Hannah. I’m sure you’ll find it.” Charlie pulled his hand away. “And one more thing before I go back to my own bed.” He straightened his back and lifted his chin. “Don't be too careful tomorrow. You’ve worked hard for this. You’ve already proven that you’re capable of more than anyone would have ever believed. Show them that you haven’t shown half of what you really got. Win it. End second. End third. End as high as possible. Don’t race to not become last. Race to win.”

“Even if that means that maybe someone gets hurt? That maybe I get hurt?” Hannah cocked her head slightly, but her racing heart made clear that she enjoyed the thought of trying more than simply not becoming last.

“I will lie if I would say I will enjoy one mile of the race, but even then.” Charlie placed a hand on Hannah’s upper leg and squeezed it. “You're a fighter, a winner. It’s time the world gets to see that Hannah.” Charlie’s eyes filled themselves with tears, but his lips kept on smiling. “For all those years we’ve treated you like a porcelain doll, but you’re not that breakable.” Charlie swallowed. “Bud was the first to see that. Daniel the second.” He bent his head. “I’m sorry mom and I took so long to realize something two strangers saw within days.”

“Maybe only strangers can see new things in us.” Hannah placed her hand on his and she softened her voice. “I’m glad you’re not angry that I want to leave and I hope that you will start living for yourself too.” She pulled her hand away. “It's great to have a big brother carrying me around, but you’re more than my big brother. You're Charlie Miller, smart and kind and wonderful. Find a nice guy to marry, find a job you can love and build a house you don’t need to leave during a heavy storm.”

“I will try my very best, Hannah Miller. But only if you promise to come back for my wedding.”

Hannah nodded. “If you promise you will come to the mainland for mine.”

“Is that even a question?” Charlie stood up and Hannah laid down again. “Good luck tomorrow.” He pressed a soft kiss on her forehead and Hannah closed her eyes.

“Thanks.” She took a deep breath. “Thanks for everything.”


	11. Race Day

Hannah was uncomfortably sitting in the saddle. When she had picked up her colors it had felt like she had taken the last and final step to make things official. 

The crippled girl was really going to race the crippled horse and whenever people would see the dark red and bright pink under her saddle they would know it was her. They would know whether she was succeeding or failing. They would know whether or not she deserved to wear colors at all.

"The colors seem fitting." Daniel had held her while Charlie had been lifting the saddle so Hannah could place the colors on Bud's back. "The color of love." Daniel had winked and Hannah had felt her cheeks blushing. "And the color of blood representing your will to fucking survive." Daniel had tried to lighten up the mood and even Charlie had curled his lips up into a smile.

But a few minutes ago Charlie and Daniel had been sent away.

For the last part of her journey Hannah would be on her own. She wasn't sure if she had ever been this nervous, but she clearly wasn't the only one. 

Bud couldn't stand still for a second, but the other capall and riders were still avoiding his presence. Whenever he stepped to the left, the other horses moved to the left too and whenever he stepped to the right, the other horses moved to the right too. Once in a while he came dangerously close to the sea, but he never set foot into the water. Not only the sea was calling him. The race was calling him too.

"It's almost time Bud. It's almost time..." Hannah laid down on his back, her lips close to his ear. "Don't drown me. Don't drop me. And don't kill me. Please?"

Bud moved his ears a little as if he wanted to make sure Hannah knew he had heard her.

With her heart already racing in her chest, Hannah sat up again and she looked up at the cliff. She couldn't recognize anyone, but she knew that Charlie, Daniel and even her mother were watching.

They were probably watching with their hands covering their eyes.

Maybe Hannah would have ridden with her hands covering her eyes too if she could have done so.

"Riders, line up!"

Hannah looked around to see what everyone else was doing, but three officials used wooden poles and lines to force everyone on the beach into their position. All those strange and unknown horses being this close made her nervous. She felt even more nervous when she noticed that Nate and his horse were barely three spots away from her.

"Still think racing is a good idea, Miller?" Nate shook his head and clicked his tongue. "I would have pulled a Matthew Malvern on you, but why would I spill my chance on winning on two losers?"

Hannah forced herself to breath in and out and she turned her face away from the boy. She straightened her back and lifted her chin. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of getting to her. She knew what she was racing for. She was racing for herself, for her future and for the feeling that even though she was in a wheelchair, that even though Bud had trouble with his left hind, she could do this.

They could do this.

Hannah breathed in while the officials counted down and when the poles were lifted she bent over her horse and asked Bud to run faster than he had ever done before.

Every other horse had gotten the same instructions.

Hannah felt one horse using his teeth to try to get through her arm, but she bit her lip and kept on holding on to the Bud's manes.

"See you in a few hours." Nate passed her on the left, but Hannah didn't bother to look at him.

"Ride to win, Hannah." Charlie's voice echoed through her mind and Hannah instinctively flattened herself on her horse's back.

"Can you go a little faster, Bud?" She smiled when the horse did what she asked and a few seconds later she passed Nate on the right.

"See you in a few hours." She hissed between her teeth while her horse passed Nate's again.

"What the..." Nate couldn't finish his sentence. During his small moment of distraction his horse seemed to forget that it had to reach the finish line. While Nate screamed and tried to jump off his horse, his horse headed towards the wild sea.

"Don't look at him..." Hannah whispered to herself and she tried to block his screaming from her mind. "Concentrate on your own race..." She took a few deep breaths. "Keep going, Bud, keep going."

Another pair of sharp teeth scratched her calve. A sharp and stinging pain spread through her body, but before the horse could do any more damage, Bud sped up to enlarge the distance between her leg and the capall.

"You're doing great, Bud..." Hannah kept on talking to her water horse. Once in a while she looked over her shoulder to assure herself that there were still people behind her. Once in a while she dared to look up to see how many people were still in front of her.

"Race to win..." Charlie's voice in her head kept on cheering her on and Hannah felt her lips curling up into a smile.

The nose of another water horse was all of a sudden in her side.

She wasn't racing to win. She was racing to not become last. She was racing to survive. She was racing to prove something. She already wanted to whisper that Bud had to hold back, when instead the horse moved away from the other capall, closer to the sea. Hannah wanted to trust Bud, wanted to believe that he would not get distracted by the salted air, that he would not feel the attraction of the waves. She didn't dare to be too sure about it though, until Bud moved away from the water again.

The finish line was not that far away anymore and Hannah still saw quite a few horses in front of her, but when she allowed herself to look over her shoulder she also saw a lot of horses behind her. A smile spread across her face while she sat up in the saddle.

She had survived. She had finished. And she wasn't last.


	12. Reflect

"You wouldn't have to do this if you'd stay..." Charlie whispered, but a smile was playing around his lips. He had his arms around his little sister and she was holding on to Bud.

This time Bud wasn't wearing a saddle or ropes or anything. He was only wearing the scars of the race and a flower crown Hannah had made him.

Maybe they had technically not won the race, but it still felt like they had won something.

"Bud doesn't deserve being locked up in an improvised stable. Just like I don't deserve to be locked up in our house. Just like you don't deserve to be held back by having to take care of me." Hannah sighed while her hand was rubbing Bud's back. "We all deserve to be free to live life to the fullest." Hannah looked up into the eyes of Daniel.

"Don't look at me like that! I freaking know what I'm signing up for and I'm totally fine with it." Daniel shrugged his shoulders and Hannah nodded while she took her hand away from the water horse.

"Bud..." Hannah swallowed. Her throat felt dry and thick and she felt her chest moving up and down. "It was an honor racing you and it was an honor to have a friend like you."

The horse looked up, his ears moving a little as if he knew all too well what Hannah was doing.

"It's okay, Bud." Hannah smiled while she nodded at the horse who was now looking at her. "You're free. Go live! Go do what water horses do. You'll be fine. We'll be fine." Hannah felt her eyes burning, but she straightened her back and lifted her chin. "Go, please?" She cocked her head slightly, but the horse didn't move an inch.

Bud moved his head towards Charlie, towards Daniel and then he looked back at the girl who had taken care of him, at the girl who he had taken care of.

"Wait..." Daniel stepped closer and frowned his eyebrows. "Is he seriously judging us now?"

As some kind of answer Bud turned his head towards Daniel and immediately Daniel stepped back again.

"Look, Bud..." Daniel lifted his hands up in the air and raised his eyebrows. "I know you care about this girl that much that you'd kill for her, but..." Daniel hesitated while he licked his lips. "We'd do that too for her, okay?" Daniel exchanged a short glance with Charlie. "It took a fucking water horse to make people see it, but she's amazing and we know that." Daniel nodded and the horse nodded back by bending his head again.

"I'm in good hands, Bud." Hannah whispered and she placed her hands on Charlie's around her waist.

"I promise she'll be there next year when you'll come out of the water." Daniel spoke softer now too and Hannah felt her heart skipping a few beats in her chest. "We wouldn't wanna miss the festival."

Hannah smiled and once more Bud looked at the three people on the now empty beach. "See you next year, Bud." Hannah's eyes met Bud's and then he finally started walking.

He stepped slowly. One step at a time. Until the sea surrounded his hoofs. Until the salted air overwhelmed his nose completely. Until the song of the sea sang to him that loud that it drowned all the attachments Bud felt to the land. He started swimming. Further and further away from the beach. Further and further away from the three people who would miss him.

Hannah felt the tears rolling down her cheeks while she could barely see the head of her horse in the waves. She wasn't sure if she was feeling sad or happy right now. Sad because she was letting the horse that changed her entire life go. Happy because they had ended fourteenth in the race. Happy because they had proven once and for all that they were capable of more than anyone had ever thought. Happy because Bud had given her a life she thought she could only dream of.

"It's not a farewell, okay?" Daniel rushed to Hannah's side and he used his thumb to wipe the tears away. "I've heard it's impossible to keep a rider away from Thisby during the stormy time of the year anyway."

"I'm not racing again." Hannah shook her head, her eyes now looking up into Daniel's, her hands still resting on Charlie's. "But experiencing the race as a tourist with Bud and you two by my side sounds good."

"Thanks..." Charlie slowly pulled his hands around Hannah's waist back while Daniel took over. "For making sure I'll only have to wait eleven months until I'll see my sister again."

Daniel pressed Hannah tighter to his chest and he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. He looked over her shoulder at the brother behind her and a smile spread across his face. "You wanna hear the promise again?" Daniel cocked his head, his eyes switching between the girl in his arms and Charlie watching over her like only a big brother can do.

"I believed it the first time, but yes." Charlie smiled back at the charming mainlander who looked at his sister like she was the most beautiful thing in this entire world.

"Hannah is amazing and I'm gonna make sure she gets the life she deserves." Daniel locked his eyes with Hannah's. "You're gonna live like you've never done before and whoever fucks with you, will have to deal with me."

Hannah smiled and she bit her lip while she placed her hands on Daniel's chest. "I wouldn't want to explore the mainland with anyone but you."

Charlie cleared his throat and Hannah shook her head.

"You don't get to say anything. You can come too, but you choose to stay." She looked over her shoulder and saw Charlie smiling, lights dancing in his eyes.

"I'm gonna find a boy on this Island who loves me as much as he loves you. Maybe he'll see sides of me I don't even know I have too."

"You will and he will." Hannah turned her head back to the mainlander in front of her and Daniel lifted her up a little so her nose touched his. 

"I think I'm gonna leave the two of you alone. I'm gonna pack your bag already." Charlie shook his head while he walked away and Hannah took a deep breath.

The head of her horse was nowhere to be seen anymore, but the sun was shedding its pinkish light over the sea and the cold november wind blew the winter to the shore.

"Ready for a new life, Hannah Miller?" Daniel closed his eyes and he leaned in until his lips touched hers.

"Yes..." Hannah wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. "I'm ready for my happily ever after."


End file.
